During my recent visits to the gym, I have discovered that people have their own ‘role’ in this establishment. I am certain that some, if not all will apply to the gym that you go to and one or two will personally apply to you (don’t worry, it’s just a bit of fun). In no particular order, here is a list of the top 17 people that I believe you find at the gym…
The Barbie, found in the gym 1-3 times mid week and never on the weekend – Arrives wearing short shorts, event t-shirt, immaculate hair and every MAC product on their face. The Barbie doesn’t break a sweat (ew). The Barbie goes to the gym to tell people on social media (often Instagram) that ‘they workout’. The Barbie is not confident when it comes to exercise, generally leaving after doing the cross trainer for 10 minutes and a few pathetic sit ups. They may try a class, but won’t enjoy it and they’ll certainly never go again because they found The One Who’s Always There rather intimidating!
The Copy Cat, found in the gym 2-3 times a week, sometimes on a Saturday – This person observes in the mirror and copies what others are doing. The Copy Cat will often try to be sneaky and not make it obvious that they are copying The One Who’s Always There or The Average One. You can tease the Copy Cat when you’ve found them, by making up a silly move and laugh at their expense.
The Snap Chatter, found in the gym 2-6 times a week – This person can be male or female. They often start in the changing room and snap their kit, their trainers and a sneaky ab or ass shot. Once entering the gym, they take photos of equipment they’ve ‘been on’. Or, of themselves in the mirror in between workouts. Sometimes, they may snap others around them such as The One Who Misses Leg Day, because they look funny. If The Snap Chatter is really lucky, they may have a minion with them who will take photos/videos of them whilst doing the workout, this makes them look professional. Then, at the end of their workout, The Snap Chatter takes photos of sweat dripping down their faces and their backs, because they believe that’s what you’d like to see on your Wednesday evening. The Snap Chatter will snap their protein shakes and post-workout meals. If you have Snapchat, you will know who The Snap Chatter is, because you will be sent these snaps, unless it’s you who is The Snap Chatter #gains.
The Stalker, found in the gym 2-4 times a week, especially in the evenings – This person is generally a male because girls are better at sneakily peeking at guys’ butts. Anyway, you know who this person is because they are the one that’s not working out and whilst ‘stretching’ for 20 minutes, they’ll either be staring at you whilst you squat, The Average One lunging in the mirror, or The Barbie doing the downward dog in short shorts. Gym moves to avoid when The Stalker’s near: Donkey Kicks, Bicep Curls, Glute Bridges, Squats, Yoga poses, Mountain Climbers – basically everything.
The Sleeper, Found in the gym 1-2 times a week – This person can be either male or female. You will know who they are because you will find them on a matt in a lying down position, dribbling. The Sleeper doesn’t really want to be there, but feels that they have been lazy recently and like the idea of getting in shape. So, to make themselves feel a bit better, The Sleeper will complete a few reps of something easy that includes lying down, often ab exercises. Then, they will continue to lye there listening to their music before going home feeling pleased with themselves – after all, it’s better than being The One Who Never Goes.
The One Who Has No Clue, found in the gym 1-2 times a week. The One Who Has No Clue is new to the gym and has not bothered to ask The Trainer for a workout plan. They may however, have a rough idea of ‘what to do’ from a video they saw on The Rock’s or Jen Selter’s Instagram last night. You will know who The One Who Has No Clue is, because they will turn up looking a little bit lost, they will look at a few machines that take their fancy and later, you’ll find them doing some made up weight exercises, looking as though they’re going to cause themselves a serious injury. It doesn’t last long though; they’ve never heard of ‘reps’ or ‘sets’ before, so they’ll just do a few until they give up and move on to a cardio machine. Which, they’ll be using backwards or upside down. The One Who Has No Clue tends to morph into The Copy Cat or The One Who Never Goes.
The Texter, found in the gym 1 – 3 times a week, never on a Sunday – Similar traits to ‘The Sleeper’. The Texter applies to both males and females. But instead of sleeing, The Texter will be texting. You will know who they are because you will find them not working out and will have their face in their phone with their fingers going at 100 miles an hour (unless they are female and therefore will be multi-tasking on the bike). The Texter is also different to The Snap Chatter; this person doesn’t want to prove to anyone that they are at the gym ‘working out’. This person wants to go to the gym to keep fit, but at the same time they don’t want to push themselves nor miss out on a text about who’s having prees tonight.
The One Who’s Always There, found in the gym 5-7 times a week, especially every day – We all know that familiar face. The One Who’s Always There is always at the gym. In fact, they’re always there so much that they are Facebook friends with the receptionist and The Trainer. The One Who’s Always There loves working out, loves to be social at the gym and loves to see familiar faces. The One Who’s Always There say hi to a lot of people and have their set routine. For example, they always use the same locker, they always go to the same gym class, they always have the same spot in that gym class and even have the same spot in the weights area. I dare you to steal ‘their spot’ and watch the horror on their face. They may not mind though, they are always there and will re-claim their spot tomorrow.
The One Who Never Goes, found in the gym 0 times a week, never on a Friday night – This one can be male or female. You will know who this person is because they are never there. They will be the one that you can’t see because they didn’t show up, again. The One Who Never Goes apparently have a membership and often talk about when they will ‘go back’. The One Who Never Goes either bought their membership to lose weight for their holiday, or to start their new years’ resolution. Sometimes, The One Who Never Goes doesn’t go to the gym because they don’t have anyone to go with. The One Who Never Goes doesn’t like to go alone and often makes up excuses as to why they can’t go again this week, they are often ‘busy’.
The January One, found in the gym 1 – 4 times a week, never in February – The January One can be male or female and perhaps someone that has stepped into the gym before. The January One typically purchases their membership around the Christmas period, with intentions of losing weight. You will know who The January One is because they accidently piss off The One Who’s Always There, by stealing their usual spot in the gym class. You will also know who they are because they start appear rather frequently and you may begin to wonder whether they are in fact The One Who’s Always There. However, you will certainly know who The January One is by February 1st because from this date forward, you will never see them again. But never fear, they are not The One Who Never Goes, because The January One will be back next January.
The Noisy One, found in the gym 2-4 times a week -The Noisy One loves the gym and classes. The Noisy One is often Male and makes peculiar noises whilst exercising. Sometimes, The Noisy One breathes out very heavily, they may even subconsciously cry out as they struggle to hit the last rep. The Noisy One tends to mind their own business and has no intention to annoy you. It’s not their fault that the sound of them slamming down the weights hard on the floor makes everyone shudder, they are just noisy. Sometimes, The Noisy One makes noises that sound similar to a scuba diver, a train, a bear or even a baby – especially in the weights area. If you’re in a gym class, you’ll find The Noisy One in there too, they will be the one clapping, ‘wooping’ and ‘yaying’ with a cheeky grin on their face, loving life #gains.
The One Who Comes With Someone, often at the gym 1-4 times a week with someone else – You will know who they are because they are never alone and you will often see them with the same person. The One Who Comes With Someone might be an insecure pair in a relationship, coming together to make sure the other one doesn’t pull. The One Who Comes With Someone might not come alone so that their buddy (The Snap Chatter) can spot them in the weights area and take videos. The One Who Comes With Someone could be a girl, who is too scared to come alone because The Stalker is creepy. If that ‘someone’ doesn’t want to go to the gym though, The One Who Comes With Someone will turn into The One Who Never Goes, because my gosh, who goes to the gym alone?
The One Who Misses Leg Day, Found in the gym 4-6 days a week and never on the cardio machines – Come on, we all know The One Who Misses Leg Day! It’s the one walking around like a peacock trying to impress The Barbie, the one who’s top heavy wearing either some sort of vest with their nipples peaking out the sides or a shirt that’s suffocating their biceps. The One Who Misses Leg Day enjoys the gym, but one random day decided they don’t need leg sessions anymore, so they stopped bothering. You will be able to spot The One Who Misses Leg Day, because they’ll only be doing upper body weights and to be honest, you’ll often find them eyeing themselves up in the mirror in between sets #gains. You know, the one standing near The Noisy One, The Weekend Warrior and The One Who Comes With Someone.
The Trainer, found in the gym 4-7 days a week. They arrogantly show up with their cheesy smile and new trainers. Don’t mistake them for an Adidas or Nike Rep though, they just want you to think they’re cool. You will know who The Trainer is because they walk around like the gym is their home, quietly judging The Sleeper and The Texter and saying hi to pretty much everyone. But oh of course they’re Facebook friends with The One Who’s Always There, you’ll find them having a quick gossip in the corridor about how annoying The Sweater and The Noisy One are. The Trainer knows what they’re doing in the gym, you’ll find them on all the machines and in the weighs area doing exercises that look hard. When nobody is around, they’ll be taking a few cheeky selfies because they need a new profile picture.
The Sweater, found in the gym 1-3 times a week – Without being sexist, The Sweater is typically male, but let us not pretend that females don’t sweat just as much! You’ll know which one they are because you will see a flood of sweat. You’ll often find The Sweater in a high intensity cardio class or maybe on the spinning bike or treadmill, where they’ve been cycling or running for over an hour and haven’t bothered to bring a towel (again). The Sweater doesn’t care that they’re sweating. They have come to the gym to sweat and burn some calories for a specific period of time; they will not leave until their time is up and their top is dripping wet. The Sweater isn’t typically unhygienic though, it’s just their way of knowing they’ve had a good workout. You will find The Sweater mopping and soaking up their sweat that’s on the floor and all over the machine with some paper towels, ready for The One Who’s Always There to use. Unless of course, they are forgetful, leaving it for The Trainer to clear up later.
The Weekend Warrior, found in the gym 2-5 times midweek, especially a few hours before their night out. The Weekend Warrior, ready to hit the gym hard in order to look good for their night out later. Often associated with The Snap Chatter, The Noisy One, The Average One, The Stalker, The One Who’s Always There, The Texter, The One Who Goes With Someone and The One Who Misses Leg Day – thus you have ‘The Wolf Pack’. The Weekend Warrior is on a mission, scouting the room for ‘talent’, often gazing at The Trainer or The Barbie to find out which club is on the back of her shirt, maybe he will see her out. The Weekend Warrior comes to the gym so they can have an epic weekend; they want to drown themselves in as many beers, spirits, ciders and shots as possible, oh! and we can’t forget that greasy McDonalds on the way home. The Weekend Warrior will be back on Monday, swearing to The Wolf Pack that they will never drink again (until next time).
The Average One, found in the gym 1-4 days a week. They are quite easy to identify, they do none of the above to an excessive amount. They attend the gym for personal fitness, with an unpredictable attendance. The Average One sometimes goes alone, sometimes with a friend or sometimes a family member. They might wear some fancy Nike gear one day and the next, their dead Grandma’s 50th Marathon shirt. Sometimes, they might use the cardio machines for half an hour, sometimes they might do an hour class. The Average One will return when they next feel like it.
Don’t be shy, which one are you?
© 2016 Naomi Laws. All rights reserved.